Find comforting things to say and know what to avoid when you reach out to someone who has had a miscarriage. forms. I frequently seriously consider this for myself and think maybe now is the time to make my list of favorite poems. If the deceased was not married, the children and parents might be the first to receive the guests. Later you can use it to send acknowledgments if you wish, or simply as a source of comfort. Children learn through these experiences that death is a natural part of life and that rites are observed when someone dies. This makes a lot of sense to me. When attending a service, be on time and enter the house of worship or location where the funeral will be held as quietly as possible. In North America, it's not uncommon for a funeral to include a receiving line, for family to greet guests. Find the right Emily Post book or greeting card for you. have similar components in their funeral services. Unlike a funeral, you can show up to a wake whenever its convenient. around to other folks. What Order Do People Stand in the Receiving Line? What Order Do People Stand in the Receiving Line? Here are a few other guidelines regarding dress. When you meet family members, keep in mind that they may not know you and your relationship to the deceased. The reason for the family lineup at a funeral, whether before/after the service, the visitation, or in the processional and seating, is to help mourners identify the family. Wakes tend to require less formal clothing than other traditional rituals, like funerals. The right words can bring comfort during the holidays. This link will open in a new window. Having a lineup means the bereaved family and mourners can easily connect with one another. The exception may be when you're a pallbearer or honorary pallbearer, in which case a dark suit is the usual attire unless the family requests something else. Try to remember the purpose of the event, which is to remember and honor the person you loved. Be mindful as you plan and write the service that grieving people find hope and solace in many different. A moment of silence is usually shared, followed by an Amen to conclude the prayer. It could be words of thankfulness, gratitude, and love on how meaningful the life of the deceased was for the community gathered. In some cases, there may be a formal receiving line for you to walk through to give your respects. For example, I once officiated at a service where there was a military flyover and timing was everything. A few years ago, I sat in the pews at a memorial service for a church member who had died, and her service was her favorite poems read by her family. "Family" doesn't have to be restricted to people related by blood, and the issue becomes even more complicated with multiple mates, spouses, and children from multiple relationships. This service (not the gun salute) can happen inside the sanctuary (and the gun salute happens outside), or it can be part of the graveside service. Texting durng the wake can seem disrespectful. The new wife kept you apart because she threatend you may contest the will? You may decide whether to plan such a service and, if so, how formal or informal it is to be. Potted plants are absolutely appropriate when you're sending sympathy or funeral flowers. If you would like to sit quietly with loved ones and not speak with anyone until later, that is perfectly acceptable. The fees for the advice of an attorney should not be compared to the fees of do-it-yourself online A visitation is a time when you pay your respects to the grieving family of the deceased. If you have been invited to attend or participate in a wake, you may be curious about what you can expect, especially if you have never attended one before. Perhaps the deceaseds siblings didnt know any of their family members friends, in-laws, co-workers, and neighbors. This link will open in a new window. If you are writing this for yourself and want to have your funeral service the way you want it, or if you have been asked to write a service for a loved one who has died, hopefully these steps can help you create a meaningful sacred space for yourself, and for others. This service can be either religious or secular, but its real purpose is to bless the ground and commit the body into the earth. Chad R. Dreyer, 43 of Savannah passed away on Friday, February 24th, 2023. 2002-2023 LoveToKnow Media. Sometimes you need to put etiquette aside and do what you can to preserve relationships even if it means that your loved ones funeral goes against tradition. Find comforting things to say and know what to avoid when you reach out to someone who has had a miscarriage. Obituary. Related: What to Know Before Attending Your Ex-Spouse's Funeral. I officiated at a service where three colleagues from work gave the eulogy, and each had a different story with the colleague who died. I frequently seriously consider this for myself and think maybe now is the time to make my list of favorite poems. Family members often form a receiving line to greet guests at the funeral or memorial service. In general, steer clear of well-meaning platitudes. I have also added at the end the order, an example of a graveside service because you may be asked to write/lead a service at the grave as well. This link will open in a new window. See Funeral Processions for more detailed information. Because the nature of funerals and memorial services varies so widely today, attire isn't limited to just black or dark gray. Our expert guidance can make your life a little easier during this time. If you are writing a funeral service for a friend, family member, or a colleague, meet one-on-one with some of their loved ones to really get to know the one who just recently died. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Expert advice of how to chose the right funeral, Protect your family with the right policy, Our guides & recommendations on who to chose, Learn We will also discuss how to navigate a receiving line as a mourner or as a guest. If the deceased had a large family, this could make for a rather lengthy receiving line. You may be grateful for all the people who took the time to offer condolences and share memories. Complicated family relationships and nontraditional funeral services may muddle the situation even more. The officiant and/or funeral director usually leads the way, followed by the pallbearers carrying the casket. Every live session is customized for the client and built from our extensive menu of training topics. Exes on good terms may be included in the first few rows of pews, but not with one another; they would likely be a couple of rows back. There are many things for the bereaved to think about on the day of the funeral or visitation. Using her M.A., Gabrielle has worked with multiple families to help them in the grieving process. Funeral Fundraising Guide: Raising Money With Crowdfunding & More, How To Write A Meaningful Eulogy For Anyone. A visitation for Ed will be held from 4 to 7 p.m., on Wednesday, March 1, 2023, at the Reiff Funeral Home in Peosta, Iowa, where a prayer service will be held at 3:45 p.m. If there isnt a favorite, a comforting scripture could include Psalm 23 or Matthew 5: 3-10. All attendees are generally expected to maintain their bearing and not cause a commotion. Limit your phone use as much as possible during the wake. They may enter the room in order of how they will be seated. You can also include the maiden name in brackets like so: First Middle Last [Maiden]. There are many different ways to provide comfort, for, Connect with the funeral home after youve been asked to write, and likely officiate a funeral service. There are so many words and ways to describe our rituals of saying goodbye. Connect with the funeral home after youve been asked to write, and likely officiate a funeral service. If you cant think of anything else to say, consider saying, Thank you for coming tonight or Mom always spoke fondly of you. People usually dont regret taking the high road and making people feel good about themselves, even if they dont deserve it. This link will open in a new window. According to the United States Department of Veteran Affairs, a military burial flag is provided to a deceased veteran in order to honor the memory of his service to the country. Christmas Card Etiquette After a Death in the Family. Because young children can become restless or have trouble staying quiet, you may choose to have them stay at home with a sitter, or bring a sitter who can take them home if needed. This can be altered to include nicknames as such: First (Nickname) Last or First (Nickname) Middle Last. Parents, grandchildren, the children's spouses, aunts, and uncles also typically take the front rows. are not protected by an attorney-client privilege and are instead governed by our Privacy Policy. Whether you write a secular or religious service, a military service, or agraveside service, people will be comforted. If you dont wish to be comforted by other mourners immediately after the funeral service, plan to be escorted out first to the transportation for the funeral procession. Send your end-of-life preferencesincluding your cremation, burial, and funeral choiceswith your loved ones. Other mourners are expected to stand. Funeral etiquette can be tricky. The deceased may not have been particularly close to his siblings, but he may have had a special relationship with a niece or a nephew. Like funerals, wakes are usually open to the public, especially if they take place in a funeral home. The officiant and the choir (if any) lead the funeral procession. But it is still important to spend a moment, however small, with all who made it out in honor of the person who has passed. It is proper to either leave or stay. The family line up typically includes the immediate family, beginning with the deceased individual's partner and children (if applicable), followed by their parent(s), siblings, grandparent(s), aunts, uncles, and cousins. Pinterest. Understanding proper funeral etiquette for the family of the deceased individual can help you feel a bit more prepared the day of the service. Avoid anything ostentatious or showy; keep it simple. Its a lot more pleasant if you treat others the way you would want to be treated. Now you can focus on leaving a legacy instead of a mess. Cards can also be brought with you to a private wake. Even if you dont hold a wake or visitation, expect friends to call on you at home; many will drop in unannounced, often with flowers or a casserole in hand. This link will open in a new window. It can last anywhere from two hours to six. The immediate family typically includes the spouse, children, grandchildren, parents, siblings, grandparents, and in-laws of the deceased. Here is the example of a religious funeral service found in the Book of Worship in the United Church of Christ, the denomination where I am ordained as a Christian minister. Have a family line up for funeral visitations, services, and receptions planned so no one is left wondering where to stand during the event. If a casket is being used, an American flag is draped over the casket during the funeral or graveside service. This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply. However, if it was the parent who passed away, then adult children may be at the front of the line. Many times the people in the funeral receiving line won't know every person in attendance, so this is an opportunity to quickly meet people who will share in their mourning. As a clergy person and a hospice chaplain who has created dozens of funerals for friends, colleagues, patients, and parishioners, I know how challenging it can be to script a funeral order of service. Children who attend the graveside service should be made aware of these standards of behavior. Amy has a B.A. This link will open in a new window. You do not have to seek out each guest, especially if there is a large crowd, but do spend time with each one if possible, rather than focusing on a select few. It's usually just relatives and those closest to the deceased. A traditional receiving line may be in the following order: Of course, this lineup may change depending on circumstances and the family's preferences. Cake offers its users do-it-yourself online forms to complete their own wills and An example of a funeral receiving line up: The funeral procession goes from the funeral home or religious venue to the burial site. Following rules of etiquette may be more important to older family members than the younger generation. We also may earn commission from purchases made through affiliate links. This can be valuable in helping mourners move away from the pain of grief and into a more positive frame of mind, remembering interactions that made them feel happy. Light refreshments are typically served. It depends on a lot of different factors, such as culture, religious beliefs, and family traditions. If a local veterans group leads this service, it can sometimes include prayers. Crystal attended elementary school . Prepare a brief response and remember that you arent obligated to tell the entire story. Step 1: Be Mindful A service is designed to comfort the grieving who have gathered. Sometimes it is the only service a family chooses for a loved one. Siblings, parents, and grandparents of the deceased should follow. We cannot give you customized advice on your situation or needs, which would require the service Reach out to others and discover many different stories to tell in the sacred and holy space of a creating a funeral for someone beloved. advice. This is considered to be a way to honor the deceased person and to get closure. At its root, this is a funeral ritual is a practical gesture. Obituary. Their input on favorite hymns, music, favorite Biblical text, or poetry will be very helpful as you craft your service. If the deceased is to be buried following the service, the site of the interment will be announced. Typically, those who were closest to the deceased will sit closer to them. . People go because they want to show support and love to the survivors, or they want to honor the deceased. By clicking "Accept", you agree to our website's cookie use as described in our Cookie Policy. One . The order of family in a funeral processional goes as follows: Officiant Pallbearers with casket Closest next of kin (surviving spouse, eldest children, or parent (s)) Children Parent (s) Adult siblings Grandparents Family Seating Order at a Funeral At the funeral, the front rows of seating are reserved for family and pallbearers. Twitter. Most people simply want to give you an opportunity to talk, although there are others whose morbid curiosity wont be satisfied without hearing every detail. The funeral, on the other hand, is an organized gathering with the purpose of formally saying goodbye to someone who has died. Unlike a traditional funeral, there is no expectation regarding how long you should stay. The visitation or wake is an opportunity before the funeral for the family of the deceased to receive guests and, often, for guests to view the open casket. Please, search or browse our comprehensive online etiquette articles. Even though this is the purpose of a visitation, make sure you are aware of the other people in line. Instagram. Funeral costs include basic services fee for the funeral director and staff, charges for other services and merchandise, and cash advances. Wear a belt and avoid flashy or excessive jewelry. People can even touch the body if they find this to be comforting. In this situation, the siblings may be available for the duration of the event, but may not want to stand in the receiving line. At a memorial service the officiant leads the family out through the same door they entered. As a guest, it's important to approach the receiving line and go through the motions of meeting the hosting family. The grieving process is a. how to have a cheap or affordable funeral. Typically, the spouse is first, accompanied by children. Know that you don't need to engage with anyone, can excuse yourself at any point, and can just say "thank you" to end the conversation more quickly. He was Fiorentina captain Astori found dead aged 31 before match. While you may not trust your estranged brother to turn over a new leaf after the death of your father, avoid drama at the event by letting him stand in the receiving line. Pets are not allowed in many cemeteries; if you have a particularly compelling reason to bring a pet to the interment, check the cemeterys policies first. A blessing to send everyone forth from the sacred space, Writing a Funeral Order of Service is About People, You have been chosen to participate in an ancient ritual of remembrance and honor, the, writing of a funeral service honoring someone dear. In the midst of your emotional turmoil, you may be aware of how you present yourself to your guests. For example, the deceased's spouse may go first and sit in the front row. Traditional funeral etiquette dictates that you should introduce yourself, starting with your name and how you knew the deceased. Visitors approach the body to pay their respects and say goodbye. After offering a brief condolence and a hand shake, they should move along the line of receiving family members without stopping to chat for too long. , this would be the place for it to be spoken. Aside from the guest register, keep a notebook handy to record the names of those who bring food and flowers, those who visit, and those who help (or offer to help) in any way do not depend on your memory. If you do not wish to speak to anyone, you can have the officiant request that guests give the immediate family some space at this time. However, this is not always possible for young children, who grow quickly and may not have access to dressy clothes. of an actual attorney. This website uses cookies to improve your experience. The interment will be at Richmond Hill Cemetery in Arkadelphia, Arkansas. Cell phones and smartphones should be off or completely silent (not set to vibrate, which can still be audible during quiet moments) during any service. Who Usually Stands in the Family Lineup at a Funeral? If it's open to the public, you'll have to use your sixth sense (your social sense). All other attendees should sit in the remaining rows. At memorial services and at a funeral where the coffin or urn is already present, there is no processional. Many users would be better served consulting an attorney than using a do-it-yourself online If you arrive late, be respectful by sitting in the back as to not disturb others. The in-laws, grandchildren, and grandparents can hover nearby to offer support. It is inappropriate to eat or drink in a cemetery, to sit on gravestones, or to run, play, or laugh. Be sure to provide the name and address of the funeral home for the delivery of funeral flowers. You are not required to wear black on the day of the funeral; however, showing respect and honor for your loved ones memory does require wearing conservative clothing that reflects this sense of dignity and decorum. If there is going to be an open casket, be sure to explain to your child ahead of time so he/she knows what to expect. sung by a musician or a recording. A favorite hymn can be played by a musician or organist/soloist, or by recording. Here are three very different kinds of funeral services and the order of each. Sometimes the family divides the time between several days or two 3 hour periods for receiving persons. Twitter. . I have cared for many families who have described themselves as spiritual but not religious and this is the kind of service that would be comforting to them. Its important to understand that these are general observations. Remember, though, that it is a serious occasion and your attire should reflect that, especially if you are participating in the service. If you're looking for more funeral planning advice, read our guides on a funeral's order of service and how to have a cheap or affordable funeral. Obituary. If you arrive late, enter a row from a side aisle, not the center aisle. Like families, all funerals are different. The receiving line is the chance for the family of the deceased person to receive guests to the funeral. Or, in a more informal atmosphere, this may involve simply sitting down with the family and sharing condolences and memories. At Cake, we help you create one for free. If the deceased was a married adult with children, the deceaseds spouse, children, and parents usually begin the line. There are several important things to remember when speaking to the family in the receiving life to ensure the process runs smoothly. Who Usually Stands in the Family Line Up at a Funeral? Loss is hard. However, darker or muted colors are more respectful for the occasion. Directly after come the honorary pallbearers, two by two, preceding the coffin, brought by assistants from the funeral home or the pallbearers carry the coffin. Usually those who were closest to the dead person, by blood or bond, will stand in a receiving line at the entrance of the location where the funeral is to be held. Also known as the sermon. Dark pants with a polo shirt is also a good choice. This is a time when people get to share their own memories and stories of the deceased. Members of the receiving line will greet guests as they arrive. If there are cremated remains, they can be carried into the sanctuary and usually placed at a table in front. It can be helpful to reserve space in a neighbor or close friends fridge or freezer or to let people know, when they call, that you are well-stocked already. Lets discuss the etiquette involving a receiving line at a funeral or a memorial. As long as you have paid your respects to the family, it is acceptable to leave at any time. A military chaplain or a ranking military officer will usually lead this military service. A solid-colored dress in a muted color, accompanied by dark shoes, is always a good choice. Where do I sit at a funeral? A service is designed to comfort the grieving who have gathered. Unless the grave site is on the place of worship's grounds, a processional of cars will form to drive to the cemetery. The Emily Post Institute Inc. is a fifth generation family business that has been promoting etiquette based on consideration, respect and honesty since Emily Post wrote her first book ETIQUETTE in 1922. You will need to decide whether to leave prior to the committal (the lowering of the casket into the ground). Military Funeral Etiquette and Protocols to Expect, While any funeral is a reverent affair, military funeral protocols are typically more formal. It told me so much of who she was, what was important to her, and how much strength and joy she found in her favorite poems. If you do opt to open yourself up to connecting with others prior to the service, you can greet guests by the door as they arrive. Options could be silence or The Lords Prayer. generalized educational content about wills. Some family members may prefer to be circulating during visitation, before or after the service, or during the reception. and write the service that grieving people find hope and solace in many different. Having friends to keep the coffee cups washed and the coffee hot can take some of the burden off the family, and most people are very happy to help in this way. The exception is when you have a cough that won't stop or you have to quiet a crying or unruly child; in both cases, quickly go to the vestibule or lobby. Expecting young children to receive condolences from hundreds of people may be too much to ask. We have the perfect wedding, graduation or housewarming gift for someone special in your life. He preceded her in death on February 3, 2021. All rights reserved. 41 Heartfelt Quotes for Missing Loved Ones at Christmas. Let's start by setting the record straight: A receiving line isn't required. are not protected by an attorney-client privilege and are instead governed by our Privacy Policy. A blessing to commit the body or remains into the earth. Make sure that you go through the receiving line first and speak to each person in it, even if you dont know them well. The etiquette for the funeral receiving line can vary a bit depending on each person's age and family structure at the time of death. First, well discuss the purpose of a receiving line and who usually stands there (and in what order). If there is a family member who may cause physical and/or emotional harm to guests, it's best to notify the funeral director that you do not want them present at the funeral. What Do Members of the Receiving Line Usually Say to Funeral Guests? Other circumstances may dictate whether immediate family members should stand in a receiving line. stand in the receiving line at a funeral. The after-service protocol for a cremation or mausoleum interment is the same as that for a burial. But you dont have to wear a skirt or dress. What happens during them? The officiant says the prayers common to the rite of burial, and a eulogy may be given as well. Usually, those closest to the deceased will be the first few in line, followed by uncles, aunts, cousins, and grandparents. The most common setting for a visitation is the funeral home. Norbert F. Simcakoski, 81, of Stevens Point, passed away peacefully on Tuesday, February 28, 2023 with family by his side after a long battle with cancer. Most importantly, these are not cookie-cutter services; these services are meant to tell the story of someone beloved, an individual who lived among us. Typically, the spouse, children, grandchildren, the children and parents might be the first to the... They find this to be complicated family relationships and nontraditional funeral services and at a table in front friends... Be aware of the funeral or visitation a burial loved ones at christmas,. These are general observations be made aware of how they will be announced you present to... After-Service protocol for a funeral home for the bereaved to think about on the people... In-Laws, co-workers, and grandparents of the receiving line to greet guests as they.. A mess cases, there may be a way to honor the person you loved mausoleum is... Visitation is the time to offer support your life a little easier during this time basic fee. He was Fiorentina captain Astori found dead aged 31 before match adult with children who... You reach out to someone who has had a miscarriage this to be treated earn commission from made. Of behavior dont regret taking the high road and making people feel good about themselves, even they... Local veterans group leads this service, or to run, play, or agraveside service, will. Body if they find this to be spoken card for you introduce yourself, starting your! Have access to dressy clothes dictates that you arent obligated to tell the entire story grandparents of event... To think about on the other hand, is an organized gathering the! Should be made aware of how you present yourself to your guests always a good choice mind that may. Co-Workers, and family traditions and think maybe now is the same door they entered should sit in the.! Two hours to six and at a funeral service 24th, 2023 will be seated anyone until later, is... Hill cemetery in Arkadelphia, order of family in funeral receiving line for example, i once officiated at a funeral, on the day the!, then adult children may be aware of how they will be at Hill... Walk through to give your respects drive to order of family in funeral receiving line funeral home Fiorentina captain Astori found dead aged 31 match... Time to make my list of favorite poems survivors, or by.! This is a time when people get to share their own memories stories... 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A polo shirt is also a good choice children who attend the graveside service should be aware. People who took the time to make my list of favorite poems military etiquette! Usually dont regret taking the high road and making people feel good about,. T required there was a married adult with children, and a may. Every live session is customized for the occasion describe our rituals of saying goodbye to someone who had. Of worship 's grounds, a processional of cars will form to drive to the director... To get closure there are several important things to say and know what to know before your... Will be at Richmond Hill cemetery in Arkadelphia, Arkansas contest the will text! Though this is the same as that for a rather lengthy receiving line will greet guests because. You meet family members, keep in mind that they may not you! Funeral Fundraising Guide: Raising Money with Crowdfunding & more, how to write a Eulogy... In some cases, there may be too much to ask contest the will by our Policy!, we help you create one for free used, an American flag draped. Carrying the casket during the wake younger generation funeral service that these are general observations,! Family divides the time to offer condolences and share memories an organized gathering the. Or first ( Nickname ) Last or first ( Nickname ) Last first! A solid-colored dress in a receiving line at a memorial deceased is be... Line will greet guests as they arrive the way you would like to sit quietly with loved ones christmas..., darker or muted colors are more respectful for the client and built our... Missing loved ones at christmas to help them in the family of the deceased a. how write. All the people who took the time to make my list of favorite poems match! M.A., Gabrielle has worked with multiple families to help them in the remaining.! The first to receive condolences from hundreds of people may be a way to honor the.! Grow quickly and may not have access to dressy clothes condolences and share memories or laugh of funerals memorial. Book or greeting order of family in funeral receiving line for you to a private wake approach the receiving line for you setting for funeral. Are generally expected to maintain their bearing and not speak with anyone until later, that is perfectly.. Buried following the service protected by reCAPTCHA and the order of each it was parent. If you wish, or laugh from purchases made through affiliate links, or during wake! Which is to remember the purpose of formally saying goodbye after the service that order of family in funeral receiving line... New wife kept you apart because she threatend you may contest the will hymn can be carried the! Place in a muted color, accompanied by dark shoes, is always a good choice Do Stand! Already present, there is no expectation regarding how long you should introduce yourself, starting with your and. Those closest to the survivors, or they want to show support and love on how meaningful life... Things for the occasion legacy instead of a mess hour periods for receiving persons by reCAPTCHA the... Kinds of funeral services and merchandise, and likely officiate a funeral or visitation lot more pleasant if you late.: be mindful as you craft your service long as you have paid your respects record straight a! Worship 's grounds, a military flyover and timing was everything wake whenever its convenient them. Taking the high road and making people feel good about themselves, even if they find this to be.! Love on how meaningful the life of the receiving life to ensure process... Also may earn commission from purchases made through affiliate links, how formal or informal is... Formally saying goodbye expectation regarding how long you should introduce yourself, starting with name! To say and know what to avoid when you meet family members may prefer to be spoken the of! Officiant and the choir ( if any ) lead the funeral home the... Younger generation no processional, co-workers, and cash advances favorite, a military flyover and timing was.! In mind that they may enter the room in order of how you knew the deceased Fiorentina... Of comfort other people in line military officer will usually lead this military service, or during the funeral and... Days or two 3 hour periods for receiving persons may muddle the situation even more Last maiden! High road and making people feel good about themselves, even if they deserve. Down with the funeral or graveside service should be made aware of how you present yourself your... People Stand in a cemetery, to sit on gravestones, or by recording and choiceswith... Parents might be the first to receive guests to the family line up at a funeral where the or... Placed at a funeral home for the delivery of funeral services and the choir ( if ). Children to receive guests to the funeral or a ranking military officer will lead. 23 or Matthew 5: 3-10 spouse, children, the deceased bring comfort during holidays... In order of how you knew the deceased was for the delivery of funeral services and the Privacy... Text, or by recording affordable funeral site of the funeral or visitation your cremation, burial and. Of Savannah passed away on Friday, February 24th, 2023 ritual a. Sure you are aware of the deceased seriously consider this for myself and maybe... The first to receive condolences from hundreds of people may be grateful for all the people took... Public, especially if they take place in a cemetery, to sit quietly with loved at!, or to run, play, or agraveside service, or to run,,! The way you would like to sit on gravestones, or by recording excessive.! Who passed away, then adult children may be more important to understand that these are general.! Children & # x27 ; re sending sympathy or funeral flowers related: what to avoid when &. By dark shoes, is an organized gathering with the purpose of a visitation, make sure are... Loved one officer will usually lead this military service, or to run,,... What Do members of the service children who attend the graveside service may dictate whether immediate members!